- Highs and Lows of 2015
- Spending time in Thailand with the guys for Jules bucks
- 30th Birthday with friends and family
- Having Malithi and having someone who cared for me, probably more than I cared for her and myself. With her I’ve had the ability to feel safe talking about my feelings, communicating better, learning from Mal’s growth, learn CBT and also feel safe in the bedroom
- Travel to Sydney, Tasmania, Canberra and Daylesford with Mal as well as having meals at Ichi Ichi Ku
- Mal apologising for her behaviour and using the word ashamed which is something I have trouble saying but definitely do feel
- Support of Jo Talmage, John Field, Ryan and friends at various times this year Jaime, Lily, El & Jules, Naomi, Felicity, Liz etc
- Weddings of Jules and El, Nick and Fiona, Bazz and Lauren, Rohan and Dee, Ziba and James
- Birth of my niece Baby Lila Wren
- Being forgiven by Adrienne Fleming for my behaviour two years ago
- Support of my parents during the whole year, financially, emotionally, psychologically, physically
- Having Bazz, Lauren, Morgan, Steve back at the end of the year for the weddings. Just like old times
- Spending more time with Bennett and Jacquinta and Will and Emma
- Having support from all the people around me at work and socially when Rozibaby did go into liquidation
- Some of the options offered to me such as Masters of Entrepreneurship and Brosa etc were quite interesting
- Doing a gratefulness list
- Finding boxing and sticking to it
- Learning at GA, meeting people there and being a part of that network
- Having the opportunities to learn at Wade and the network that includes
- The opportunities to speak and be a part of things with the FBE council like the Gala dinner for MAP, Entrepreneur events etc EY Entrepreneur of the Year
- Having constant fights with Malithi over very small things when she felt neglected or threatened and eventually breaking up
- Feeling all alone in work trying to solve all the problems that were cascading all over me
- Liquidation of Rozibaby – lack of support from Bor Li and Tahir
- Losing $100K in funding from the Baigs with Rozibaby on a grossly over-budget website and warranties
- Strained relationship with Tahir due to the troubles, desertion and quibbling at Rozibaby especially in selling and liquidation
- Almost killing myself with the scented candle burning up in my bedroom
- Physical, Emotional, Psychological trauma of going through everything that I went through with Rozibaby trying to keep it alive and working with people who ultimately just weren’t working with my best interests at heart (Tahir) or the right motivations (Ben Williamson)
- Financially gone backwards with liquidation, lack of job, high expenses, no superannuation the last couple of years, no assets, $20K in debt
- I’m very scared of being emotionally hurt in relationships – so much so that I’m almost a totally different person when I’m interested in someone. I’m very standoffish or aloof and send lots of mixed messages being warm and cold.
- I need to make time and space for love in my life. I’m as worthy as anyone of love and deserving of it and I’m only fulfilled when I have someone in my life that I care about and who cares about me
- I must look out for myself first in business, there is no one else who will do that for you. Have plenty of margin for error and absolutely be unequivocal on team. Don’t try and be everything, stick to your role and make sure other people are performing their roles. No more ‘nice guy, it’ll be alright, they’re a good person, they’ll do the right thing’.
- People will change because of money
- Family is #1 for me, they were there for me when I was down and totally and unconditionally support and love me regardless of how I’m doing
- Always put money aside for a rainy day – personally. Separate from the business
- I have a high tolerance for pain and suffering but to my own detriment and I need to look after myself better
- You are not the business – you work in the business
- Always take care of your health, mind, spirit first. Don’t let other parts of your life take over to the point that it effects those areas. It’s been good to be introduced to CBT and learn about that.
- Always make time for your friends and fun things, life is too short and moments too fleeting to say no to life
- Work on what you’re passionate about, careers are much easier to forge when you have that as a foundation
- I love working with people, I’m a social creature and I need social interaction to be happy
- I love learning, entrepreneurship and moving forward, once things start becoming defensive or status quo it’s a hard gig to turn around
- I am an incredible perfectionist, procrastinator and extremely hard on myself with completely unrealistic expectations sometimes on what I can achieve or where I should be at. I need to be kinder to myself and more accepting of the progress that I’m making.
What I’m taking with me into 2016
- Can do attitude that I can create my dream career and work with amazing people who I enjoy working with and help make me better
- A positive attitude to what I can achieve, learn and where I want to go. Unburdened by any expectations of others to perform miracles.
- More emphasis on carving out and preserving family and friends time with a greater balance with work, health, sport, learning
- A growth mindset for finding new friends and connections
- Getting back to my best self: optimistic, open to love, happy, ‘high on life’, laughing a lot, smiling a lot, enthusiastic, cheeky, fun, inclusive
- Value on my time and my expertise as a contributing employee or resource
What I’m leaving behind last year is:
- Guilt of past relationships and damage to myself and others – Adrienne, Bec, Trish, Nat, Mal
- Comparison between myself and where other people are at with their lives – marriage, house, children, career etc
- Rozibaby – the isolation, the suffering, the disillusionment, the lack of confidence and self worth
2. Inventory of Myself
Friendships – 5/10
- I was very bad with this with Rozibaby in the year, I allowed work to get in the way and really didn’t spend anytime or any quality time with people as I was always so wrecked, emotionally frazzled and so much of the conversation revolved around the troubles I was having and being quite negative.
- After Rozibaby I have really enjoyed this part of my life, catching up with friends. Spending quality time, doing activities with them and attending events and meeting new people through them. I’ve been able to concentrate and enjoy the good parts of things and just go with the flow.
Family – 4/10
- Again was very poor with this with Rozibaby. I avoided family at some points not wanting to spend time or listen to what was being said when it was in all likelihoods true.
- I really enjoyed spending time and getting closer to family post-Rozibaby. Talking more honestly with Ziba, Dad and Mum about everything important and not so important.
- I really like having regular family dinners and get togethers on a weekly basis
Finances – 1/10
- Really bad this year on so many fronts – no superannuation, very little wage, liquidation costs, loss of business, business loans
- Very late in the game for budgeting and putting money aside from the meagre wages I was drawing – which did help but only one month of contingency in the end
- starting 2016 at least 20K in the hole
- Drawing from my parents when they’re not in a great financial position either is very bad, especially when I haven’t been able to contribute back as I would have liked
Career – 3/10
- Really poor year this year. Went backwards in so many ways. Wasn’t able to really address any of the problems of the business in a meaningful way and they all festered and got worse.
- Tahir left the business and that really put a lot of pressure on me, especially when Maalik was born
- I got a lot of things done on my own largely – new website (designed, content, architected, tested, delivered – very expensively and late), new container, trip to Taiwan, moving warehouse, moving phone lines, Demonstrator network, shimmy fixes, brake fixes, customer service etc
- Really had no confidence in my own abilities by the end of Rozibaby – finances and budgeting was ruined, product wasn’t up to scratch and fixes didn’t work, negotiations failed, relationships were strained, I was delivering things late and over budget, end products lacked flexibility. I had experience in a lot of different areas but no coherent story or deep expertise in anything because I spent so much of my time fire-fighting
Love – 4/10
- More of the same here for me. I was with a girl who I enjoyed the company of (Mal) but was not really in love with at any point despite saying it
- It many ways I was just ‘passing the time’, having someone there to hold and take with me but not to love and I think it was partly mutual. Having someone there and supporting them to a point but not really giving it everything and not being motivated to do that either. Kind of going through the motions. Self protection being a long distance relationship
- I was afraid of Mal’s temperament, her need for crisis, her insecurity around having children and inability to control her emotions from previous experience, role models and trauma in her life which always kept me at some sort of distance
- I did love her smile, her laugh and her generosity. She really looked after me in a lot of ways and included me in her life and dramas but she really couldn’t handle my dramas
- Other than Mal I was very intrigued by Margeaux Scarfe who I met at Future Assembly, really bubbly, vivacious character and full of laughter and life. I wish that went somewhere rather than nowhere and I would like to find someone like that.
- Meeting Jo Wallfisch has been nice as well – not sure what to do with it but I should just let it happen and explore. I find her attractive because she’s very low-key, calm and centered and quite intentional. Very different to what I’m used to, not sure I feel very deeply about her but I’m intrigued rather than just not giving it a chance
Health – 5/10
- My health has been battered around this year, with Rozibaby it was awful as I was losing sleep badly, constantly stressed, in a constant state of crisis and with no outlets as I had no regular exercise besides basketball which has never been much of an outlet for me because I can’t contribute very well offensively.
- Post Rozibaby this has been a real area of focus for me both for self-esteem but also socially and just getting fit and better state of mind. I really enjoy my sport and picking up boxing regularly has been great both for the physical intensity but also seeing people who I know there and also bringing other friends there too.
- AFL9’s is also a bit of fun too and I also get to socialise with Bennett and Jacquinta more through that too.
- Taking steps to do the grateful list has really helped focus on the positive but also just catalogue how I’m doing each day and identify when I’m being less positive
- Being fit really helps me both relax but also stay even mentally and something to look forward to and structure my week around. It’s also great for my self-confidence, it keeps me healthy, fit and attractive. It’s good for expelling toxins and just keeping my skin healthy too.
- Learning about CBT has also been terrific, I don’t always apply everything and it’s quite an effort to stay on top of considering how many things I want to do but it’s helped put some structure around my thoughts
Spirituality – 2/10
- This has never really been a focus for me at any point and time, I’ve kind of run away from it after getting a bit too deep and dark with it with Bec
- I’m feeling a bit better with this by taking more time out for myself with Mindfulness. I still don’t always take the time regularly as I need to to really be at peace with this. I kind of feel someone like Jo could really help with this.
Sex – 5/10
- Sex was pretty adventurous this year with Mal, she was very comfortable in the bedroom and had a high libido and interested in sex
- I felt a bit more comfortable in the bedroom and having it as a safe place again rather than a place of judgement or insecurity and we could try different things which was exciting like sex in different places, choking, hair pulling
- The sex itself wasn’t absolutely amazing but got better and more pleasurable as we continued to know each other more. Mal was quick to get off so that was also a good thing for me with taking the pressure off, she would get off many times before I would
- I haven’t had sex with anyone outside of Mal and we broke up several months ago 4-6 months ago?
Philanthropy – 9/10
- I think I’ve done really well in this sphere considering everything that’s happened to me this year. I’ve been contributing to all the charities I usually do each year which is way more than most people.
- I’ve contributed to the FBE Alumni community and been active there
- I’ve helped with Beauno Apparel for YGAP and learned more about FYA and Impact Investing
- I have a strong commitment to helping others and sacrificing to do that. It’s basically my equivalent to smoking, coffees, going out that other people have circa $250 a month or $8 per day or 5-10% of my wages
Overall Alignment/Quality of Life – 3/10
- Very bad this year mostly owing to work really getting out of control and not putting boundaries around other areas of my life
- My quality of life was really really poor and I really just didn’t enjoy a lot of my year where I suffered through unnecessarily through poor decision making, not standing up for myself or just pure exhaustion
- I learnt a lot this year, about myself and about other people. Next year will be a lot about building up where I want to be in the future.
3. Vision of Next Year
3 Year vision:
Who do you want to become?
- The very best version of myself again: fun, engaging, interesting. With a partner who I love and live with
- A really strong contributor to a team at work. Working in an exciting digital realm where I get to solve interesting problems with a combination of freedom and within a scope
- Someone who brings home a good wage – over $100K+super with opportunities to learn and travel to conferences
Who do you want to spend your time with?
- My partner in life, making a home and travelling. Thinking about starting a family and saving for a life together.
- With my family, friends, and partner’s friends. Enjoying each other’s company at dinners and social occasions
What does your financial life look like? Career, Love, Health
- My finances will be back in the positive. I will have paid off all my current debts to my parents and have a savings kitty that is equivalent to 6 months living expenses and be on my way to paying back the capital contributions they made to Rozibaby too. I will be earning a good stable wage I can rely on with superannuation that is accumulating
- My career will be on a clear upward trajectory in an area of both industry growth but also personal career growth within a role. I will be an expert in a few areas which align against one another where most people are specialists in one, I will be the intersection of both.
- My love life will be very secure, happy and content. I will want for nothing in terms of affection, love and support and I will equally be providing all of the above and more back to my partner. We will be one and the same person.
- My vitality will be very strong, with my regular exercise and better balance of life and work I will be both virile and youthful
How will you feel
- I will feel happy, strong, content and secure with myself, the people in my life and confident that I will have a bright and happy future
- I will feel proud of my achievements personally and at work and at peace with who I am and who I will become
- Everyday is sunshine
- I feel like I’m contributing meaningfully to a cause and work that is challenging and interesting and of benefit to the world generally
What will your perfect day look like?
- I will wake up in my own comfortable bed with my partner, give her a kiss on her neck and lips and snuggle with her and have some morning sex
- Take a shower and get ready into a smart tailored suit or smart trendy attire with quality materials and curated look.
- Have a satisfying easy breakfast with my partner and check the news, emails and social media on my iPad – looking after a baby
- Head into work in my self-driving car or public transport listening to music
- Get into work which is in a trendy neighbourhood and a renovated, modern industrial building with open plan working environment, the latest products and tools of trade with lots of vibrant, trendy, young, intelligent and interesting colleagues.
- Sit down at my desk in front of my dual screen computer set up and plan the day and work with my outstandingly capable and driven team to achieve our objectives for the day – delivering on achievable and satisfying work which is on strategy, hitting goals, and developing an overarching architecture into reality
- Having a really healthy, balanced meal for lunch with friends and colleagues from work along the lines of Feast of Merit where proceeds go to a charity paid for by the company
- Head back to work after great conversation talking about work and just normal life with no gossip and just seeing people progressing in their life
- Checking in with the broader team and groups and leadership around how things are going, providing feedback and advice. Continue working and supporting team and seeing results on the global or international business or problem we’re solving
- Finish up at work at a reasonable hour and head in to boxing or other sporting activity such as AFL9’s or yoga and have a really good session of exercise with a social element
- Walk casually down my treelined street, feeling very safe and content towards our beautiful established townhouse, the sun will be shining and the garden will be great and look very quaint.
- I’ll walk through the front door and give my partner a kiss and ask her about her day and enjoy listening to her day and her accomplishments for the day and share my day too
- We’ll both get changed and settle in and we’ll both prepare and cook together a great tasty meal like Japanese or a Steak or do take-out occasionally
- We’ll clean up from our meal and relax on the couch in each others arms, making plans, have our intimate moment in each others company. Check in with my folks and what’s happening in the family’s world.
- Head to bed after watching a movie or TV show or reading a book and fall asleep in each others arms.
1 Year from now:
What will you have accomplished?
- I will have completed the Master of Entrepreneurship with flying colours – working on a business problem for a year, pitching to VC’s and getting some traction
- I will have developed some really strong lifelong relationships with my colleagues in the course, in Ormond college, with the mentors and business advisors, other people in the start up and university community
- Have expanded my networks with VC’s, mentors, coders and designers, subject matter experts, scientists – meet 10 of these per month
- re-hosted rozibaby with changes using Python code and PHP with Facebook and started to build up my own portfolio of work both for U/X but also web dev
- Learned financial management and accounting documents
- I will have some experience working in a digital environment upskilling in both Agile methodology and also in coding skills and U/X
- completed codecademy and FCC and got my front end, back end and data visualisation certifications
- I will have had a number of really good relationships with interesting, fun and wonderful women who love me and I love back.
How will your life be different? How will you be more free?
- I will have confidence to combine my experience and new and refined skillsets to build or continue building a concept or business that is exceptional with an exceptional team and backers
- I will have the confidence of my team and of myself to deliver on what I’ve been assigned
- I will have a huge new network of friends, colleagues, mentors and advisors who are there supporting me to make things happen
- I will have both a technical and entrepreneurial skillset that is hard to replicate and adds extreme value to any new business or team
- I will be able to communicate strongly with designers, developers, business people and customers with ease and confidence
- I will field offers to work internationally and within companies that are excelling in their fields
How will you feel?
- Happy, relieved that I have found my place and taken up the mantle of which I was always destined to go down.
- Prepared, ready to go
- Safe, matured and content
How will people experience you?
- I will have a big sincere smile, bright eyes on first interaction and people will feel at ease and comfortable in my presence
- I will be working hard
- I will be making my environment and myself better
What is the most exciting thing in your life?
- Living and working in a state of the art facility with lots of ambitious, humble social and hard working people who are working and living in the same space
- Meeting, socialising and developing relationships with a lots of stunning, interesting and caring women who all want to be with me
One Sentence Theme
- Everyday is sunshine, nurture your inner genius